The sad part is that on the 7th in 2008 my ex-husband took his life.. this is not a fun post.. and if you don't want details stop reading.. None of us could see this coming.. he and I were not close after our divorce in 97. He and the kids had a very strained relationship.. he blamed me but they were older and they knew what he was like. I never talked badly about him even though he thought I did.. I encouraged the kids to see him.. the girls were older and there was no visitation order.. my son had a visitation order but Dad rarely showed up to get him.. I would have to call each month to set up dates for them to get together.. and even then he didn't show up. My son was very angered by it.. and I don't blame him.. In our divorce hearing the judge asked why he needed a two bedroom apartment and he said because he needed a room for his son.. never happened.. that room was his office and storage room.. Adam slept on the couch with only a blanket.. Dana said he could sleep in bed with him but he said no.. so he slept on the couch with a pillow from his dad's bed and an old blanket.. no wonder he didn't want to go..
At some point.. maybe at 17 or 18 Adam said he would visit but not stay overnight.. There was no fight in that.. Maybe Dana was relieved.. He should have spent much more time with the kids but he didn't. When Paige was getting married, Dana and his wife wanted to run the show but didn't want to contribute at all.. wanted to host events that I was not invited to.. Then Dana said he wasn't coming to the wedding because my husband would be involved and why not.. Paige and Peter had a relationship and he paid a lot for the wedding.. Dana and his wife didn't attend.. his family did and I'm so grateful for that and their support.
There is so much more to say about this but too much for one post.. at the end Erin and Adam were getting together with him but on their terms.. everything seemed to be going well.. and then on January 7th, 2008 we got the call that he was dead.. I will never forget hearing my girls crying and wailing on the phone and the anger in my son's voice.. I cried too.. for them and for him..
Of course we don't know the whole story.. his wife won't let anyone know what his last words were in the note.. but he drove down to a place by the river.. walked down a path.. spread out a blanket the two of us bought in Mexico.. and shot himself.. I cannot even imagine the pain he was in to do that.. There was a viewing.. I couldn't go.. it was too much for me.. I should have gone to support my children.. I was not invited to the funeral and told not to come but I went.. sat in the back with my brother and some friends.. I should have been brave and gone to the front and sat with my children.. It was like I was erased and the children were hers.. His family all sat with me at the reception.. and I know that irked his wife.. it was not my choice.. His mother called me the queen surrounded by her family.. believe me that did not go over well either..
People have asked if he knew it was my husband's birthday and I say yes.. others don't agree.. but he was very calculating.. I believe he knew and it was his last thing to say to me.. sad but true..
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