I had a call from my baby boy last night.. he's not really a baby since he is 29.. but he is my baby.

He lives in Oregon and biking is a big deal there.

He and his wife didn't have a car until a few years ago.. They biked everywhere.

He is in college and was riding his bike to school and was hit by a car.

He has a broken clavicle.. thank goodness nothing else.

I'm not sure on the details.. but I think he was riding and going on a green light

and the person made a right turn and hit him.

It was her fault and her insurance if paying for everything.

I just get so worried about my kids even though they are adults.

He will be in sling for 6 weeks

Will have to drive the car to school which causes more expense.

When we were talking he said Mom are you crying.. and I had to say yes.

He said don't cry.

I'm just happy he's ok.

Very Full Day

I am a homebody.. I LOVE being at home.  I love taking care of things and cooking dinner, making snacks, doing laundry.. It's just me.  In my other marriage I was very busy.. of course raising kids, I had my own business.. my kids had activities so I was constantly on the move.. besides trying to take care of a very large house and yard.  When I remarried, I closed my business.  I had planned to get another job in a preschool.  In fact had a couple of jobs lined up. I was a bit stressed with all the moving, closing my school, the wedding etc.  My husband said I should just take some time off. Turns out I never went back.  I've been a stay at home mom to my two stepsons for 11 years.  I consider taking care of the house and cooking my job and I take it seriously.. The boys are older now and can do their own thing.  Shelby is away at college.  When he is home he works at a store within walking distance.  Max just started school and got his license which is great.. very proud of him for passing his test.  He has been applying for jobs so he can work part time.

Yesterday we had a lot to do.. My Mom had her dental appointment.  Then we headed to the library so Mom could get some books. She can read 2-3 books every week..  Then to grocery shopping.  By the time we got home it was almost 3.  To most people that doesn't sound like a lot but it is for me.  I was happy we got everything done but it's not my kind of day.  I usually try to plan only one or two things on an outing.. which is once or twice a week.. the rest of the time I prefer to be home.  I am now sharing a car with Max who just started college and needs to drive.  Works for me.  My husband has been taking the bus to work.. We call it a bus but it's really a luxury motor coach.. he has to drive to the stop and there is a free parking lot.. he is saving tons of money doing this.. plus he loves it.. he has his headphones and can listen to things on his phone.. could even download a movie and watch it.. kind of neat..  On days I need the car Max drives him to the stop and then picks him up at the end of the day. I like it!

Today I'm getting lots done so I can enjoy the weekend.. no plans really but it's nice to have everything clean and done.

Happy Birthday Paige

Happy Birthday to my middle child.. I always thought middle children were supposed to be kind of out of it and probably homely.. but my middle child is beautiful.. is very talented and such a wonderful person.. she is 33 today.. I love her with all my heart.  Happy Birthday!!

Angel

I'm having such a difficult time with my dog being sick.

She is on 5 different meds and seems a little better and is eating again..

but I think she is going downhill.

she can't go up and down the stairs.. so I have to carry her..

so that is at least 10 times a day.. because I take her out every hour or so..

She has to be confined to the bathroom so she won't go on the carpet.

I've always loved having a dog.. but the end is always hard..

We are no where near putting her down..

I love her with all my heart and I hate to see her suffering..

Honestly.. it's killing me..

It's good that my Mom is here because I don't know how I would do it without her.

Taking care of Angel is almost a full time job..

so it's nice to have my Mom here to help with other things.

 

My Angel

Our little girl has been sick.. gone back and forth to the vet.. has had three rounds of antibiotics..

she saw the vet again yesterday and they said to take her to the pet hospital..

Said they might just medicate her or keep her over night..

She is still there and will see a specialist tomorrow and then might get to come home.

This breed has health issues and one is heart problems.

That is what she is having now.. her heart is enlarged and she can't breathe.

They put her on oxygen and that was helping.

I keep looking for her because she is always with me.. then I remember she is not here.

We knew when we got her that this breed could have problems.. but this came on so fast..

She is so still full of life.. I hate to see her suffering..

She's my Angel

Our Anniversary

This weekend was our 11th Anniversary

We went out to dinner and made my Mom come too

She thought we should go alone but we wanted her to come

I think she had fun

and so did we.

We went to one of my favorite restaurants called Willow.

We exchanged cards and Peter bought some bottles of nice wine that we will enjoy together.

We had huge storms and tons of rain yesterday

but today it's sunny and nice.

Good day for grocery shopping and errands.

Happy Birthday to my own boy

Happy Birthday on Sunday to my own little boy.. he's the baby of the family.. has overcome many obstacles.. he is now a math scholar.. and doing so well.. married to his wonderful wife, Kim.  I'm so very proud of both of them.. He has worked and been on his own since high school.. now back at school and has scholarships and grants.. he has become an amazing baker at his work..

One time he told me that I had never made cookies with him.. kind of broke my heart.. and now he has had a job for several years being a gluten free baker.. something Mama never taught him..

This is his birth announcement.. It's not a great pic but you get the idea. 

I love this young man with all my heart.. he has grown and matured.. and chosen life and to be happy!!  Can't wait to see him again!

My Birthday Boy

Our birthday boy after eating his cupcake.

Our little boy

We had a wonderful visit with all the kids.. Our little boy just turned one.. we had a birthday party for all the girls who have summer birthdays.. funny how Adam got into the picture too!!

My three kids and Adam's lovely wife Kim and my Mom.

Such a happy little boy

Loving on his Grampa

 Nana gets a hug!

What's become of the broken hearted..

I kept wondering why I posted this song "what's become of the broken hearted".. but now I know why.. my husband of over 20 years.. the father of my 3 beautiful children and I split.. it was not a happy ending.. but I loved him so much.. and he left me broken hearted.. I did everything I could to keep it together.. I have a hard time writing this.. because he took his own life.. and did it on my now husbands birthday.. people have told me that he didn't know the day.. but I think he did and I think he did it on purpose to spoil that day forever.. Plus his wife called my daughter first to let her know.. the last person who should have known first.. ugly.. the wife has never let the kids have any of this things.. things that should have been kept in our family.. pictures, history.. whatever.. the piano that we had for over 25 years.. none of it goes to them from their father.. they can't even read the note he wrote before he died...it breaks their hearts and it breaks mine too.. even though we didn't end well.. It still hurts.

http://vimeo.com/2622219

Happy Birthday!!

Today is Zackary's first birthday!!  It seems like this year has flown by and he's a big boy now!  He crawls around like wildfire.. can stand and do a little walking while holding on to something.  He is a very busy boy and the love of our lives!  I wish so much I could be there to celebrate with him but we have a young man graduating tomorrow so I need to be here.  We will go later on and have another birthday.  It's still early on the west coast so no pics yet.. but when they come in I will post them.. for now Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy!

Happy Mother's Day from my Wonderful Children

My Children made this beautiful video for me.  Makes me very happy.  I know it took a lot of time and effort to do and is such a wonderful gift

.

Lazy Bones

I often feel like a lazy bones.. I think part of it has been not feeling well for a long time and not wanting to do anything.. I'm doing better these days but I have the habit of putting things off.. I've talked before about timer cleaning.. I'm trying to do that more and more.. I can do just about anything for 15 minutes.. and if I'm really good I give myself 15 minutes on the computer or watching something on my DVR then I do another round of cleaning..  It's pretty amazing how much you can get done in 15 minutes.

My sister is truly amazing.. she was always a neat freak.. Her house is still neat but she has let up a bit on the cleaning.. but honestly.. it's still very clean.  They own a cattle ranch and in the past several years they haven't hired as many cowboys as in the past.. so she works on the ranch just like the guys.. Right now she is doing something called "dragging meadows".. not sure what that is but it involves a tractor probably.. during the summer she runs the swather and cuts the hay.. in the spring helps with any calves that need help.. besides doing all that she keeps the house clean.. cooks for any crew that is there.. does all the laundry and irons everything in the house.. She has been an inspiration to me and also has taught me so much.. She is a nurse just like my Mom and several aunts.. has done a lot to help me figure out health issues..

My Little Dictator

I wish I knew how to post the actual video but I don't.. so here is a link to see my sweet son.. holding Zack and Zack giving his orders!!


https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/9KajQxwU1PYQQSy8BDhTzlt-MJiVibLOou8tfVIUvro?feat=email

Cooking

Please go to this website: http://5dinners1hour.blogspot.com and see what Michelle has to offer.. She has some really wonderful ideas and also a menu service.. I think it's only $5 for a month of recipes and menus..

I really need to clean my pantry and organize it.. same with the fridge.. I got my shelves in the main garage done last week.. looks so much better.. Once I have the kitchen stuff organized I might actually try her method of making all 5 meals in one day and have them ready to go.. I like her recipes but have never done the cook ahead thing..

I like to cook but sometimes get tired of doing it every day.. she has some good ideas about prepping veggies and things like that.. and really if you're going to chop things up might as well do it all in one day instead of every day.. I guess the least I could do is chop up onions, bag and put in the freezer.. although I read in her blog that she thinks buying frozen chopped onions is cheaper..

She also has some great ideas for make ahead lunches for her kids.. I don't have to make lunches anymore but I love her ideas.. even if I used them for myself at home.. or maybe sent a lunch or snack with my husband to work.. Could be fun and I like to be organized :)  Thanks Michelle!

Aww.. Quiet

Except for some big crash in the kitchen right above my bed at 6 AM that woke me up.. it's been quiet.. I have heard some walking around but much more normal.. I can only assume that the office talked to her.. It's possible she is not home and it's just her guest that I hear.. It's just so weird to know that she has gone to the office and made up stories about us and that we harass her.. when honestly it's the other way around.. I do get that there is going to be some noise in apartment living but this is so excessive..

Aww.. I spoke too soon.. I heard someone knocking on a door and thought it might be mine.. so I looked out the window.. it was next door.. then I hear the woman upstairs yelling things down to some people in the parking lot.. my window wasn't even open but I could hear what they were saying it was that loud.. She said she would be right down and they could follow her in their car.. not sure where they were going.. so then there was stomping around, slamming things, dropping things and very noisy for about 20 minutes.. then she and her guest who I think is her mom went down and they all yelled and carried on in the parking lot for a while.. Honestly.. I just don't get it..

My Neighbor

I don't want to be in "hate" with my neighbor.. I think she is probably a nice person.. I've tried to get to know her.. she is not interested and she is so darn loud.. Today I had to make another complaint.. and they basically said "too bad".. during normal hours she can do what she wants.. Then they told me that she said we have upset her.. pounded on her door and yelled at her.. that she was in the office crying for an hour after that.. It never happened.. she made it all up.. we did go up and introduce ourselves and asked for some quiet but were very respectful.. and she makes up this story.. I don't know what to do except move..

OK.. do we look alike or what

These are my girls a few years ago..

This is me after graduating and my friend and I and took a vacation to Hawaii.. I had cut my hair and my drama teacher about lost her mind over it.. but it all worked out.

This is my Senior Picture.. I was 17..

And here is a trip.. I think we all look like my mother!!

Ellender Ransburgh

I had my birthday yesterday.. and my friend who I've known since middle school posted my highschool senior picture.. How she did that I don't know.. had to be from the year book or something.. but oh how fun.. I got lots of comments about it.. so what do you think do the girls look like me and their Nana??

Mise en Place

mise en place.. I'm learning about this and hopefully becoming a better cook.. would love to go to school to become a chef but I doubt that would happen.. I don't want to work as a chef.. just be one. Watch this video where Chef Danny explains it all: http://glutenfreegirl.com/ You might have to scroll a bit to find the video on their website.

Gluten Free Girl and the Chef — Food-Stories-Recipes-Love

glutenfreegirl.com

Food-Stories-Recipes-Love

Our Zack

Our Zack ready for Easter service.. reading his card.. loves his shoes and loves his Mama and his Auntie Erin.

My Girls

Do I have the most beautiful girls in all the world.. Love, love, love them..

Inspection

We signed our lease for our townhouse this morning.. We have been renting because our house never sold and we had to move for my husband's job.. Nothing was said this morning.. but I found a note on our door that all apartments will be inspected on Tuesday and Wednesday and they can't say what time.. Our place is fine.. no damage or anything but it's just weird to me.. we have never had that in the past. I have the maintenence guys in here all the time.. I guess if they saw something wrong they would report it.

My stepson hurt his ankle a week ago playing football.. (5'7" and 95 pounds) didn't let us know about it until Wednesday.. My husband told him he should stay in and not go to classes.. I didn't agree.. he had been walking around on it for several days.. He was supposed to call yesterday to tell us how it was going.. didn't call.. but called today and said he wants to come home because he is in so much pain.. I told my husband that if that is the case he should cancel golf tomorrow so he can take care of him.. Not happening.. I said so you are bringing him here and are going to be gone all day??  Yes..  Poor thing he can't go up and down the stairs at school.. but we have stairs here too.. Hubby says he will probably just stay in his room all day.. So why even bother coming home??  I don't get it.

Great News

Great News.. Curt came through a 5 way by pass surgery.. I didn't even know they had such a thing.. I am so happy for them and I'm sure he will have recovery to do.. but he is on the road home.. Thanks for all the prayers.

My buddy Curt is having triple bypass surgery tomorrow.. please pray.. I love this guy and his family so much.. he's a character and we need him to get well..

My son Adam and his wife Kim with the cutest baby in the whole wide world.. this is the first time they have gotten to see him.. and what a time they had.. Zack is so happy and loves people.. goes to them with no problem.. I think they bought him that little jacket from their college.. Kim is so smart.. has two degrees and is working on her masters.. as you can see from Adam's shirt he is a math freak.. love it because he was not interested in math at all in highschool.. so proud of both of them..

Please Pray

Please pray for my dear friend Carol and her husband Curt.  He had a heart attack and is in a medically induced coma.. she heard him fall and did CPR on him until the meds arrived.. She was working from home that day which is not a usual thing.  He will most likely need bypass surgery.. but they are worried because he was without oxygen for a while.. They are lovely people and I have known them for years.. taught their children in preschool..

Journals

I've always liked to journal.. I had diaries when I was young.. they are probably thrown out now.. I have kept emails and letters from people.. and I like to go back to read them from time to time.  My ex and I saw a therapist.. she thought it was odd that I brought a notebook with me and wrote things down.  I told her it's just me and it makes me feel better.  I am a list maker and it seems when I make the lists nothing gets crossed off even though I have been busy all day.. so I started making a list of what I actually did.. she thought that was odd too.. I don't think it's odd.. I still do it.. I make a list in my email and save it as a draft.  I don't do it every day.  I sometimes make a to do list and then a ta da list.. it's satisfying to me to see what I have accomplished during the day.

Light of our lives

Zack is growing and changing so fast.. the last few weeks he has learned to sit up.. has learned to crawl.. I love seeing him on video chat and talking to him on the phone.. what a dear, sweet boy he is.. we think he is teething and so has a little trouble.. but Mama and Daddy are there to help.. He is so into everything.. loves his toys.. loves anything electronic.. like Nana's wireless mouse.. and he loves to hold hands..

Meet Me On Monday

Ok, Ok.. I know it's Thursday.. and I have no idea how to do a linky.. but I saw this on a blog and want to try it..

 

Heather at Acting Balanced gives us 5 questions each week to answer and the post includes a linky so we can BlogHop!. Heather said this meme is based on the original Meet Me on Monday hosted by Java at Never Growing Old.

Here are today’s Questions:
1. What was the first live concert you ever attended?
2. What colors look best on you?
3. What is one thing about you that most people wouldn’t know?
4. Who would you call to be bailed out of jail?
5. What do you think is the greatest invention of your lifetime and why?

1. I saw the Beatles in Seattle with my cousin.. I think I was 11..
2. I wear a lot of black and neutrals.. I don't know that they look best on me but it's what I'm       comfortable in.
3. That way back when I considered becoming a nun.
4. My husband for sure
5. The microwave.. my parents got each of us a commercial microwave in the late 70s.. they got them from a friend who was in the restaurant supply business.. The other would be computers and the Internet.

Happiness

Thank goodness my darling daughter and I have made up over our little tiff.. Paige is on the left and Erin on the right.. We went back and forth a bit.. and then I sent her this youtube clip because it's really how I feel.. I don't like being at odds with anyone but especially not one of my children..

Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water (Live 1969)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GYKJuDxYr3I

I will always be a bridge over troubled water for my children.. I know that people have disagreements but there is nothing like family.  I love Erin with all my heart and will always be there for her and to encourage her.. same with the others.. I am so happy that we are back on track with one another.  We did discuss the issues that were bothering us and that was good too..

Sail on Silver Girl..
Sail on by..
your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

I love you, Erin! And your time to shine is now!!

Home

I just did a post and some how lost it.. so I'll start over.. I am home now.. missing my daughter and my baby.. I was able to help them get setteled in their new home.. it's so cute and cozy. they have a ton of room for Zack to play.. he's army crawling and will soon be doing the hands and knees crawling.. once that starts.. watch out.. he will be into everything. He is such a cutie..

Crazy

I am going crazy with getting rid of stuff.. I have been going through everything under my bathroom sinks since there is no room to put anything else!!  I found things that have not been used since we moved here 2 1/2 years ago.. I'm tossing it all.. Some have expiration dates and some don't.. but I know all of it is old and I don't want to put that on my skin or hair..

So I'm doing under the sinks, my pantry, garage and the second garage that is full of boxes still.. It needs to be done and if I follow my plan of doing a little every day I will get through it..

When I sold my house years ago.. I had so much stuff. My ex left a ton of stuff.. asked me to keep it for him and then refused to take it when I was ready to move.. I think we were all packrats.. plus I had all kinds of things stored for my preschool.. I spent a year going through things an hour or two at a time every week.  I would put everything out in the carport and then Peter would come over and haul it all away on the weekend.. That was very cleansing for me.. I've moved twice since then and still have things to get rid of even though with each move I've tried to go through things.. On our last move we had very little time to do anything except for big items and clothes we gave to charity so it all got moved here.. and that's why I have a single car garage full of stuff.. some I will want to keep.. but there is so much I can do without.  Maybe I've been watching too many shows of Hoarders.. I just never want to be like that.. Peter is good.. he likes to do what he calls editing.. I'm getting that way too..

Comedy??

My stepson does stand up comedy and is going to be performing this week at an open mic night.  A few friends want to come plus we need to know where the place is for ourselves.. of course the little rascal who is almost 21 doesn't drive so we will be taking him.. would be nice to go to the right address.  He had yesterday off from work.  He was still in his room at 1 PM.. so I emailed him the link I found and asked if that was right.. didn't get back to me.. later I see him downstairs and he said he didn't see the email.  I asked him to please look at it and get back to me.. nothing.. then about 5 I go in his room.. he has on headphones and listening to something on the computer.. kind of half asleep.  I asked him again and he said.. oh yeah I think so.. I said I need to know for sure.. ok.. and nothing else from him.

I made dinner and it had shrimp in it so it was something that had to be put together at the last minute and couldn't be sitting and cooking forever.. We usually eat about the same time every night and everyone knows that.  The only difference is if Peter is late.. but then I usually feed Max and Peter can eat when he is ready.. lately Max says he wants to wait and we can eat together.. which is something I like.. Max came downstairs at the right time.. then Peter came down.. he said he told Shelby dinner was ready.. so after I fixed our plates and we all sat down, Shelby shows up.. this was 15 to 20 minutes later.. I was a bit ticked.. Peter knew it and jumped up and fixed Shelby's plate.. He probably could have done it himself but I really don't want him touching all the food that someone else might eat..

I told him why the two things bothered me.. he just sat there and stared at the floor.. All Peter could say is he should have told him dinner was ready earlier.. I don't think that needs to be done.. he's an adult.. He works most evenings so I make him a plate and put it in the fridge for when he gets home.  And on days when he is off I usually just fix the plate and if he doesn't come down it will get cold and that's his problem.. sometimes I feel like a short order cook.. Maybe I'm being too hard headed about this.. I always make sure the boys have what they need.. Like I posted before I have started washing their bedding and making their beds each week.. I washed all of Shelby's clothes because they were gross and I knew he wasn't going to wash them.. I've been ironing his shirts.. I didn't tell either of them why I was doing it.. and if they noticed they haven't said a word to me about it.. I don't think it's too much to ask for some consideration.. After some prodding he finally said he was sorry.. but it wasn't heartfelt.. he did empty the dishwasher yesterday and acted like he should get a medal for it.. I did tell him thank you and I've never made that a job for the boys.. so when they do it it's a treat for me. So far this month he's been home has been pretty good.. I've overlooked things and figured it wasn't worth the fight..

I know kids will be kids but it's hard to take when I ask very little of them and they just don't do it.. they even have to be reminded to brush their teeth.  Last night I asked Peter to "remind" Shelby to take a shower before bed (because as far as I know he rarely takes one.. hence the smell in his room!) and not stay up all night.. he said he was going to shower in the morning.. did he?  No and I don't think either one of them brushed their teeth.  And Shelby stayed up really late and then had to be at work by 7:30 today.

I will be so happy when this school year is over.. One more year of college for Shelby and then he will have to be figuring out what he wants to do in life.. Not sure about Max.. he can't seem to decide what to do.  His mom keeps telling him to come back to Oregon to live with her.. who knows he may do that.. I know my husband wouldn't like it.. I'm neutral on it.. it would be the same as going away to school.. Shelby has talked about moving someplace where he can get into stand up.. not sure where that would be.. I hope it works out for him.. Four more months or so and school will be out.. Yay!

Tomorrow, tomorrow I love you tomorrow you're only a day away!

Tomorrow is both sweet and sad for me.. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday.. we are going to celebrate with a few presents.. nothing big.. some framed photos for his office of the kids.. a cherry cheese cake.. then later we are going with friends to a jazz club he's been wanting to go to for months..

The sad part is that on the 7th in 2008 my ex-husband took his life.. this is not a fun post.. and if you don't want details stop reading.. None of us could see this coming.. he and I were not close after our divorce in 97.  He and the kids had a very strained relationship.. he blamed me but they were older and they knew what he was like.  I never talked badly about him even though he thought I did.. I encouraged the kids to see him.. the girls were older and there was no visitation order.. my son had a visitation order but Dad rarely showed up to get him.. I would have to call each month to set up dates for them to get together.. and even then he didn't show up.  My son was very angered by it.. and I don't blame him.. In our divorce hearing the judge asked why he needed a two bedroom apartment and he said because he needed a room for his son.. never happened.. that room was his office and storage room.. Adam slept on the couch with only a blanket.. Dana said he could sleep in bed with him but he said no.. so he slept on the couch with a pillow from his dad's bed and an old blanket.. no wonder he didn't want to go..

At some point.. maybe at 17 or 18 Adam said he would visit but not stay overnight.. There was no fight in that.. Maybe Dana was relieved.. He should have spent much more time with the kids but he didn't.  When Paige was getting married, Dana and his wife wanted to run the show but didn't want to contribute at all.. wanted to host events that I was not invited to.. Then Dana said he wasn't coming to the wedding because my husband would be involved and why not.. Paige and Peter had a relationship and he paid a lot for the wedding.. Dana and his wife didn't attend.. his family did and I'm so grateful for that and their support.

There is so much more to say about this but too much for one post.. at the end Erin and Adam were getting together with him but on their terms.. everything seemed to be going well.. and then on January 7th, 2008 we got the call that he was dead.. I will never forget hearing my girls crying and wailing on the phone and the anger in my son's voice.. I cried too.. for them and for him..

Of course we don't know the whole story.. his wife won't let anyone know what his last words were in the note.. but he drove down to a place by the river.. walked down a path.. spread out a blanket the two of us bought in Mexico.. and shot himself.. I cannot even imagine the pain he was in to do that.. There was a viewing.. I couldn't go.. it was too much for me.. I should have gone to support my children.. I was not invited to the funeral and told not to come but I went.. sat in the back with my brother and some friends.. I should have been brave and gone to the front and sat with my children.. It was like I was erased and the children were hers.. His family all sat with me at the reception.. and I know that irked his wife.. it was not my choice.. His mother called me the queen surrounded by her family.. believe me that did not go over well either..

People have asked if he knew it was my husband's birthday and I say yes.. others don't agree.. but he was very calculating.. I believe he knew and it was his last thing to say to me.. sad but true..

It's a sad thing to attach to my husband's birthday.. I will be forever connected with Dana.. we were married 21 years.. and have 3 children.. We wrote notes to him and burned them sending the smoke to heaven.. hoping he would know how we all felt.. I hope he has peace now.. and I hope the rest of us can too.. When I mentioned the date thing to my husband last night..  he said that if he did it on purpose because he knew it was Peter's birthday it might have been a positive thing.. that he was letting me go.. that he admired Peter and wanted us to be happy.. I hope that is the case.